Terrible names for children... and my comments on them

My comments on a list of baby names that are becoming terrifyingly common, found at: http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2010-04-03/next-years-hot-baby-names/?cid=hp:beastoriginalsL2

GIRLS

1. ABITHA – Abitha for Humanity? Forgot the T in Tabitha?
2. AMABEL – Amabel. You’re a bell, we’re all bells.
3. AMARYLLIS – No. Just no.
4. ARAMINTA. Sounds like the capital of a 3rd world country.
5. AVITA – not to be confused with “Evita”
9. CALLA – Hey ma, can you iron my calla on dis shirt?!
11. CALYPSO – great, name your daughter after the witch-whore who tried to seduce Odysseus
12. CARYS and CERYS – sound like computer software
14. CLEA – middle name “Patra”
16. CYRA and SIRI – another 3rd world capital
17. ELIZABELLA – No. You cannot do this.
18. ELODIE – I met someone named Elodie and I think it is foreign, so it is OK as it is actually a name.
19. FABLE – when you’re not sure if you had a daughter, or if it was just a dream
20. HOLLAND – no there was absolutely no marijuana involved in this decision
24. LARK – Lark? I’m gonna go on a lark here…
26. LEONIE – As in Sierra Leone? Get her some blood diamond earrings.
31. MAELLE – Another made up name which is not acceptable.
33. NOLA – New Orleans, Louisiana?
35. PERSEPHONE – better hope Hades doesn’t come up from the underworld and kidnap her
37. REMEMBER – We had a good name for our daughter, remember….?
38. RHEYA – sounds like some disease
39. ROMILLY - No
41. SAFFRON –It would be funny if she married Jerry Rice.
44. TAMSIN – Tamsin? Sounds like a name some Bombay man gives to his pet dog
45. TIERNEY – the last name of an old Irish woman.
46. VEGA – Vega… one of the badguys from Street Fighter
47. VERITY – she will never be able to tell a lie.
49. VIRTUE – wow she has a lot to live up to!
50. XANTHE – isn’t this a product used in shampoo?



BOYS

51. ACE – Sounds like his father is the kind who won’t accept that 2nd place little league trophy. I hope their insurance includes adolescent psychiatry
52. ALCOTT – last name, sorry.
53. ARCHER – like Robin Hood?
56. BEAU – I bet he won’t speak a word of French
57. BECKETT – yuck, obviously a Red Sox fan…
58. BENNETT – last name
59. BLAZE – wow, he can team up with Holland and have some fun times in Amsterdam.
60. BRECCAN – Breccan? Sounds like… either some kind of Native American snack or an old Irish village
61. CALLUM – sounds like a chemical
65. CAVAN – destined to drive a Dodge Caravan
66. CORMAC – good luck not getting made fun of
68. DHANI – name of a midly successful NFL linebacker
69. DJANGO – good luck again
71. GERMAN – well I hope he is at least German!
72. HAITIAN – $100 says this kid is white
73. HUXLEY – a brave new name
74. JAX – because
76. LAZARUS - did he crawl out from behind a stone?
78. LENNON – imagine if people gave their kids normal names
80. LONAN - Loner
82. MAGNUS – watch this kid be an effeminate, skinny ballet dancer
83. NASH - Ville
86. PHILOMON – the correct spelling is Philemon.
87. PIERS – instead of docks
88. POE – Poe child….
89. RALEIGH - Durham
91. ROAN – isn’t this an adjective for a red cow?
94. TARQUIN – great, name your child after the hated dictators of Rome
100. WYLIE - Coyote


God help us all...